All The Lonely Thoughts

By J.S.V.

(Maybe if you had told me
she was no longer in your life
I would have translated it right)

You know that night
when I slumped on the floor
after working way too hard for a stupid price
you sat by my side
tried to cheer me up and make me laugh
my head was spinning
the words didn’t connect
my bilingual world split clean in half

You told me to speak my mind, knowing you wouldn’t understand
I said, o mundo é mais bonito em silêncio
you asked me what was that
so I told you
the world is more beautiful in the silence

Your voice became a whisper
our smiles faded with our sighs
you asked me what was bothering me
so I said, por onde começar?
you asked me what was that
so I told you
where to start?

Start with what hurts you the most
it is what came out of your mouth
and maybe I took the game too seriously
or maybe I’m just a fucking brat

Você é tudo o que eu penso
You asked me what was that
So I told you
Eu amo você

You tilted your head, confused
I looked away
like a tourist who studies a Monet
and said,
your shirt is inside out

I remember the feelings twisting in my guts
chasing each other’s tails
in a circle 
no shortcut
sick with the bubbling words
always on the verge of making a mess
and pride that in this lifetime
I always knew how to make you laugh

I needed to go
it was late
I stood
you stayed
I did my best to hide my tears
from your gaze
completely unaware
that you too had something to say

(Maybe if you had told me
she was no longer in your life
I would have translated it right)